LOL New York Giants History

The New York Giants are currently one of two football franchises in the NY/NJ metropolitan area causing nothing but misery to their fan bases.

It is also worth noting the guy writing this is a Giants fan (but i'm not Five Point Vids).

2000's: The beginning of Eli-loyality

 * 2004 would mark the beginning of the Eli Manning era for New York.
 * In the 2004 draft, the San Diego Chargers, who had the first pick, were highly interested in Manning. But since it's the Manning family, his dad Archie presumably didn't want Eli in the same conference as his brother Peyton, who was riding hot with the Colts, therefore he made Eli speak out before the draft and say he didn't want to play for San Diego. The Chargers would draft him anyway, and Archie would have to hustle to get what he wanted. The Giants gave in to him and would trade their drafted QB in Philip Rivers and an 05 pick for Manning.
 * While this can be considered a LOL moment for the Chargers in trading away a guy who would win 2 superbowls, Rivers would have a more consistent career than Eli. It's a mystery what could have been if the Giants just stayed out of the ordeal and kept Phil.

Ben McAdoodoo

 * Tom Coughlin's successor would be Ben McAdoo, he would coach for almost 2 seasons.
 * The 2016 season actually wasn't that bad, the Giants would finish second in the NFC East with an 11-5 record, but lose to Aaron Rodgers and the Packers in the wild card.
 * The 2017 season they had even bigger expectations, everything wound up falling apart.
 * They would lose the first 5 games of the season and be plagued by injuries, including Beckham who would be out for the season.
 * CB Eli Apple also lost his shit from this disaster and be suspended at the end of the 2017 season. Safety Landon Collins would label him a cancer.
 * McAdoo's explanation for this failure? Eli Manning! While he was actually on to something by noting Eli was starting to go past his prime and constantly immobile, but the solution he offered did not sit well with anyone: Geno Smith. 
 * Right after benching Eli for him in Week 13, McAdoo and GM Jerry Reese would be immediately fired. the team would finish 3-13 and at the bottom of the NFC.

Still Derpin'

 * The next GM would be former Panthers GM Dave Gettleman, a guy who was with the Giants during the glory years as a scout (which once again shows Mara's loyalty problem), doesn't believe in any analytics and doesn't know that rebuilding and being competitive are 2 different things.
 * His choice for the next head coach would be Pat Shurmur, whose last head coaching stint was with the Cleveland Browns where he posted a 9-23 record. Gettleman hired him because "he was the only adult in the room".
 * Just also want to point out some Giants fans from New Jersey covered Pearl Jam's "Better Man" but called it "Save Us Dave Gettleman", lol, you seriously think this guy is the answer?
 * You'd expect the Giants to start considering a successor for Eli after that disaster of a season with the second overall draft pick, like maybe draft Sam Darnold or another hot QB rookie. But of course, out of loyalty to the Manning family, the Giants decided to stick with him and just draft the transcendent talent in Saquon Barkley.
 * The 2018 season would only be slightly better... at 5-11, with it now becoming clearly obvious Eli is reaching his swan song.
 * Eli Apple would be traded to the Saints that October.
 * Beckham was also fed up with the organization, there were instances of him hitting the locker room before halves ended during games. Screen-shot-2018-09-16-at-9-32-03-pm.png
 * The off season however, boy that off season they had, it was something else.
 * Start off by trading Odell Beckham Jr. to the Cleveland Browns for couple of draft picks and Jabril Peppers, just one year after signing him to a multi million dollar deal.
 * By this time, the Giants have now swallowed $200 million in dead cap.
 * It was also confirmed management wanted Odell off the team due to his personality problems, he was only resigned because the Maras wanted him back. The fuck Jon?
 * One positive: the Giants would finally draft a new QB in Daniel Jones, who is actually a good promising QB, but the negative on this: They took him with their first pick when he was projected to be a second or third rounder, they could of used it to draft OLB and Nagurski Trophy winner Josh Allen, whom Jacksonville would draft right after him. Even Coughlin knew who was more valuable.
 * The Giants still didn't improve their defense over the offseason, therefore analysts were predicting them to be at the bottom of the NFC, again.
 * And they were right: The 2019 season was the continuation of nuclear winter
 * The Giants would use Manning out of loyalty for 2 games until finally deciding to start developing Jones.
 * Interestingly enough, Jones would start showing potential with Eli mentoring him, they'd win their next 2 games (even though one was against the Deadskins and the other one the Buccs fucked up). This actually got a mention from Colin Cowherd who claimed New York was back.
 * And that would be the last game they would win until Week 15. They even lost to the god damn Lions.
 * Green Bay would beat any imaginary play off hopes they had in Week 13, that week: Washington won, Miami won and even Cincinnati won. The Giants were once again last in the NFC East (dubbed the NFC Least because of how shit it was this season) until the Redskins chose to suck more.
 * Shurmur's record with the Giants was now 7-22, that isn't just worse than McAdoo, that's worse than his tenure with the Browns!
 * Dan Jones then got injured, so Eli once again had to start for Week 14, the Giants would lose the Eagles.
 * This loss also ties a franchise record at 9 consecutive losses, how the hell is Shurmur not axed yet?
 * At least Eli got a send off in an at home win against the tanking Dolphins in Week 15.
 * After finishing the season 4-12 and posting an even worse record than his tenure with Cleveland, Shurmur was fired, out of loyalty to Gettleman, Mara let him keep his job.
 * Eli also retired at a .500 career record, much like the NY Jet's Joe Namath, prepare for the overrated/underrated comments in a few years.
 * Tisch and Mara started arguing about which direction to put the team in. Tisch wanted to fully revamp the office, but Mara just wanted a couple changes, it's worth noting many Giants office personnel have been around for nearly a decade now, including a number of Mara family members and guys who have been there since the Superbowl XLII upset. Some coaching prospects have seen this as a problem as well, including Ron Rivera, who worked with Gettleman in Carolina and decided to go to the Washington instead.

2020's: The Judge

 * The Giants coaching search candidates included a good number of people, however who was hired left some head scratching.
 * One popular choice was Mike McCarthy, he wound up going to the Cowboys immediately after meeting Jerry Jones. They dodged a bullet there.
 * The other popular choice was Baylor Coach Matt Ruhle, whom was a member of Coughlin's staff when he was in New York and was preparing to coach in the NFL. However, on the day before his interview, he was interviewing for the Panther's HC opening where they made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
 * With the top 2 candidates gone, Giants fans started freaking out as it was reported Jason Garrett (Coach Claps and the Golden Goose of Jerry Jones) was contacted for an interview.
 * But. He was only asked to be interviewed for Offensive Coordinator, apparently on the same night the Panthers hired Ruhle, so the Giants settled on Joe Judge...wait who?
 * Judge was apparently the Patriots ST Coordinator for many years and also the WR coach, Belichick spoke highly of him and claimed he was ready for a HC job. Yeah right lol.
 * The Giants were expected to be terrible again, along with literally every other New York Metropolitan sports team (except for the Isles, whatchu-gunna-do), maybe that's the reason why everyone is leaving the city.
 * DeAndre Baker got charged for armed robbery and was cut before the season began, that's a first rounder down the drain.
 * The 2020 season actually wasn’t that bad, but that’s easy to say for the NFC Least.
 * I guess you could use the excuse of new Coach and no preseason here but their was literally no linemen on the Giants roster when they started, what you saw on the field are mannequins, they would replace them with actual players later on.
 * Saquon Barkley would be one of the many players Week 2 to get a torn ACL, ending his season. The Giants did get Devonta Freeman as a replacement, so that is 1 out of 4,784 other problems they fixed.
 * Joe Judge fired up the tank Week 3 after the Giants got blown out by the 49ers, who were playing almost all 3rd strings, San Fran didn't punt once.
 * The Giants almost got the Week 5 win against the Cowboys following Dak Prescott's season ending injury, but the refs had other ideas.
 * At least they avoided 0-16 talks by beating Washington in Week 6?
 * Interesting enough the Giants started showing more improvement by the halfway point of the season with Joe Judge fixing the defense up, given Cowboys and Eagles were collapsing, all that was left was Washington.
 * Then at the worst timing possible, Dan Jones pulled a hamstring, putting him out for a critical game against the Seahawks with Colt Mcoy in his place...
 * ...who would make fans jaws drop as the Giants held of the Hawks.
 * After holding off the Cowboys in Week 17, the Giants only needed the god damn Eagles to beat the Washington Football Team to get into the playoffs. The Eagles however were playing for nothing and decided to just give it to Washington. So no playoffs for the G-Men.
 * After the season was over, it was clear Dave Gettleman was the problem with his poor decision making as GM. Mara, pretty much confirmed to be out of touch with the NFL now, announced he would keep his job. Fuck You Mara.

The City that always Weeps

 * The 2021 offseason didn’t help any matters
 * First in the draft the Eagles and Cowboys made a rare trade so Philly can get DeVonta Smith. But what doesn’t make this an lol is that Gettleman drafted down due to this for the first time in his career, getting a 1st rounder from the Bears for next year. Let’s hope a different GM will be making the choices for 2022.
 * Training camp was also a disaster, a number of fights broke out, Joe Judge was pretty tough and three veteran players decided to retire in just one week.
 * Footage from their training also got out showing Jones passing to his linemen in panic, analysts began predicting the season was gonna be brutal.
 * Oh yeah and the NFL also added a new rule after an owner's meeting: taunting. You can now get flagged for that. But why bring this up in the Giants LOL page? Yep, it was Jon Mara who wanted the rule! He said he was tired of seeing taunting nowadays in the game and since Roger Goodell is still commissioner he had not a problem doing it.
 * Yeah let’s face it the 2021 season is gonna be a bust as well, it also doesn't help the season is now 17 games.
 * Start off by losing in Week 1 as usual, this time to a weak Broncos team. Joe Judge even had a major fuck up by throwing an illegal challenge flag. Danny Derps also now reached 40 turnovers in his career from this game.
 * Afterwards, ex-Jets head coach Rex Ryan, who was defending Jones before this game, announced he was done with him just as he was done with Mark Sanchez, damn.
 * The next opponent was the Washington Football Team, Jones did better this game, however it can be argued the Giants are cursed. The WFT needed a field goal at the end of the game to win, missed, but- yep! You guessed it! Dexter Lawrence jumped off sides allowing Washington to kick it again for the win!
 * During this game, WR Kenny Gollday erupted onto Coach Claps.
 * Rookie WR Kadrius Toney was also pissed he wasn't getting enough targets
 * The next week was the Giants celebration and retirement of the Number 10 Jersey for Eli Manning, in typical Giants fashion they would blow a game to the Falcons.
 * At halftime when Eli was going to make a speech Jon Mara took a minute to speak on the podium, he was booed heavily.
 * After the loss Mara kicked over some garbage cans in his suite.
 * Another total crap shoot of a season with 4-13. Dave Gettleman is expected to "retire".