LOL New York Jets History

The New York Jets are one of two franchises in the NY/NJ metropolitan area causing nightmares to their fan base.

Belichick flees the impending disaster

 * After the 1999 campaign ended in disappointment, Coach Parcels decided he wanted to hang it up and retire, with Bill Belichick becoming his successor.
 * One problem with this happening at the time, owner Leon Hess passed away and as a result the team was going through an ownership change to Woody Johnson, a billionaire born with the Silver Spoon in the mouth with no history of running any sports teams and had a big conservative history including tax evasion. Belichick, like everyone else, knew it wasn't a good idea to stay in New York.
 * New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft would offer Belichick full control of his team, as a result, right after Belichick got the Jet's job, he would resign (on a napkin that said "I resign as HC of the NYJ"), then take the job as NE's HC.
 * The Jets were actually able to block this since they still had Bill under contract, instead of deciding to offer him full control of the team, they accepted a couple of draft picks from New England.
 * Bill Belichick would proceed to make the Jets his bitch for the next 2 decades and win 6 Superbowls in New England.

Pre-Buttfumbling

 * Kerryshawn Johnson and the Jets had a contract dispute in April 2000 that resulted in a trade to Tampa Bay.
 * The Jets now had four first round picks, and used them all on good talent, including Chad Pennington, but if we're typing this obviously they still couldn't get to the Superbowl.
 * Parcells finally left the organization after the 9-7 2000 season.
 * The Jets' next Head Coach was Herman Edwards, a man who had no experience as a head coach.
 * The next 2 seasons of course had losing records.
 * Then the surprising 2004 season happened, but the Steelers kept the Jets away from the Superbowl.
 * Pennington and back up QB Jay Fielder got injured week 3 in 2005 resulting in a 4-12 season.
 * They even forced Vinny Testaverde out of retirement to play.

Buttfumbling

 * The 2012 season was worse than the 2011 season, however was way more memorable for one single play.
 * Sanchez continued to struggle and not develop, instead of switching to Time Tebow who looked promising in Denver, Ryan stuck with Sanchez. This is pretty much the equivalent of a father staring at crooked picture frame wondering why it won't stay straight while your infant son proceeds to take his first steps right behind him.
 * November 22nd, 2012 is marked in the history books and the defining moment of Mark Sanchez and The Johnson Era of the New York Jets: The Almighty Butt fumble.
 * It was Week 12 against The Pats (of course it was against them), the Jets were down by 14 in the second quarter, on a 1st and 10, Sanchez made the call for a handoff to the FB on his right side. However when he snapped the ball he accidentally looked to the left. 
 * And that's when it happened, Sanchez panicked and ran forward with the ball into Guard Brandon Moore's rear end, fumbling it for the Patriots to recover and run all the way to the end for a Touchdown.
 * What people don't remember is that this wasn't the end of the suffering, on the following kickoff, the Jets fumbled the ball for the Pat's Julian Edelman to recover for another touchdown.
 * Rex Ryan would be seen on live TV screaming "Un-fucking-believable" as Jets fan booed and chanted to Tebow, who was actually injured at the time.
 * Firemen Ed, the team's unofficial mascot, completely disgusted by this left the game before halftime and retired his character.
 * Even though the Jets may not have a big brain, they did figure out Sanchez is probably not the answer and see about a new quarterback after addressing other needs. Instead of working with Tebow, they released him and found a prospect in Geno Smith in the third round. Yep.
 * The 2013 season saw the Jets at the usual 8-8 status quo.
 * Sanchez was released after suffering a pre-season injury, in all honesty they should of cut him right after the butt fumble play.
 * Smith also wasn't performing all that good either.
 * The Jets then turned to Micheal Vick, who pretty much lost all his luster after his prison stint, the 2014 season went as expected.
 * 4-12, last place in passing until the Dolphins in Week 17, end of the road for Rex Ryan.

More Buttfumbling

 * Todd Bowles was introduced as the next head coach, the Arizona Cardinal's DC, nice guy, but he didn't really give much enthusiasm.
 * In the 2015 training camp, Geno Smith got in a fight with Jets DE IK Enemkplai, who wound up breaking Geno's jaw and putting him out for the start of the season. Therefore the Jets made a call to the ultimate journeyman: Ryan Fitzpatrick.
 * Fitz would pull off his usual bullshit and give the Jets some hope in 2015 only for it to vanish.
 * Despite the Fitzceptions, the Jets would haul in a 10-5 record going into Week 17, only having the beat the Bills or have the Steelers lose to the Browns to get into the wild card.
 * Of course this is where Fitzception happens, 3 interceptions, one loss to the Bills and one Steelers victory over the Browns later, the Jets were eliminated from playoff contention with a 10-6 records. Damn that's rough
 * Per the tradition of Fitzception, he was officially awarded a one-year deal worth $12M.
 * The Jets once again attempted to get another young quarterback since Geno Smith was pretty much being labelled a fraud, they selected Christian Hackenburg in the second round.
 * Hackenburg would do awful in his two preseason game appearances, 6 for 16 on 105 passing yards against the Giants, followed by 11 for 31 on 54 passing yards against the Eagles, he was regulated to fourth string QB. The following preseason yielded similar results and he didn't play a single down in his two regular seasons with the Jets before getting cut.
 * Speaking of the 2016 season, now that Fitz got paid he stopped giving a shit, as usual.
 * In week 3 against the Cheifs, Fitz would throw 6 picks, bringing the Jets' turnover count that game to 8 in a 24-3 loss.
 * Fitz was benched mid game for Geno in Week 6 against the Cardinals, Geno himself tore his ACL against the Ravens the following week, leaving the Jets locked in with the turnover machine.
 * In a do or die game against the Colts in Week 13, Fitz choked hard in the first half going 5 for 12 on 81 passing yards, Bowles just gave up and benched him for Bryce Petty in the second half, the Jets lost and were eliminated from playoff contention.
 * After 4-12 season, the Jets realized the legend of Fitzception and let him walk, he's now continuing his legend in Florida. Smith was also let go.
 * In 2017, Woody Johnson was appointed by President Trump to serve as ambassador to the UK. Instead of hiring a person with experience to control football operations, he just put his brother Chris in charge. This is the equivalent of owning a Lambo with just a learners permit and giving the keys to a guy with no permit whatsoever.
 * With a good quarterback class coming in 2018 led by a sexy looking Sam Darnold, the Jets decided to go for the tank in 2017.
 * And tanking they did, led by journeyman Josh McGown and the failed draft QB in Bryce Pretty, the Jets locked at 5-11 record, the one problem, the Browns and the Giants only getting ahead of them, and they were both looking for new QBs as well.
 * The Browns luckily pulled a Browning and picked Baker Mayfield, the Giants, after probably being threatened by the Manning family, picked up RB Saquon Barkley instead, with the 3rd overall pick, Darnold was their's.
 * Just one issue, and that was the Jets decided to still stick with Bowles as coach, as a result, the 2018 season was lost too.
 * In hilarious fashion, Darnold's first career pass wound up being a pick 6 to the Lions. 
 * Week 3 was even more hilarious as the Jets would lose to Mayfield and the Browns, the first regular season win for Cleveland in 2 years and the end of a 19-game losing streak.
 * After going 4-12, Bowles was at last fired.

Even more Buttfumbling

 * Bowles replacement? Adam Gase, who was just fired from the Miami Dolphins and has been widely regarded as a terrible coach.GaseEyes.jpg
 * The reason he was hired was none other than Peyton Manning, who carried Gase as an OC in Denver and convinced Chris Johnson what happened in Miami was a myth.
 * Gase would instantly become a meme at his press conference, sporting wide opened wandering eyes like he was high during the whole thing.
 * You would expect GM Maccagan to be fired too, right? Well they would eventually fire him, after the 2019 draft and free agency signings.
 * Mike Maccagan would bring in former Steelers star RB Le'veon Bell and former Ravens LB CJ Mosley, Adam Gase didn't like the signings because they paid them a lot of money, despite being proven talents and Bell taking less money than he was offered with the Steelers.
 * Maccagan's replacement would be Joe Douglas, who is basically best buddies with Gase. Which is fine, but why the fuck was Maccagan kept for a while longer?
 * The 2019 campaign would be a bigger disaster than last year for the Jets.
 * After losing blowing a 16 point lead to the Bills, Sam Darnold would contract mono, yep, mono.
 * ESPN would make a graphic regarding his illness which would instantly turn to a meme.
 * How would his replacement, Trevor Sieman do? He would last half a game! He suffered a season ending injury, resulting in the Jets relying on 3rd string QB Luke Falk for the next few weeks, they wouldn't win a single game.
 * The Jets also got a black eye to their organization with their medical staff.
 * Kelechi Osemele would complain about shoulder pain, but the team's doctors said he was fine and demanded he play.
 * Osemele didn't believe them and saw his own doctors, resulting in the team fining him.
 * That doctor confirmed there was a major problem and he needed surgery. Osemele would file a grievance with the NFLPA and the Jets would respond by cutting him.
 * A few weeks later, Luke Falk would file an injury grievance after getting cut when his starting job was done.
 * Darnold would eventually come back in week 6, in a shocker, they actually beat the Cowboys in very convincing fashion. (May have been due to the clapping though)
 * This led to analysts convinced the Jets may upset the Patriots on Monday Night Football the following week, the complete opposite happened as they would get destroyed at home 33-0.
 * In said game, the Patriots went for a 4th & 6th in FG range in the 1st quarter despite already being up 10 points, punchline here is Belichick had the Jet's defense read inside out knowing Brady would get the first down.
 * In the fourth quarter, despite the Jets no longer having a chance, the Patriots would purposely draw 2 penalties to get more room to punt, Gase would decline these penalties. But since he declined both, a whole minute would be taken off the play clock. Belichick would be shown on the sideline trying not to laugh at Gase for being so stupid.
 * To make matters even worse: Sam Darnold was mic'd up the whole game. The mics would catch him sitting on the sideline saying "I'm seeing Ghosts", this would air live on National Television, resulting in many more memes.
 * The following week, the Jaguars would take advantage of the whole "I'm Seeing Ghosts" debacle and have their mascot wear a bed sheet. The Jets would lose this game.
 * But it can't get worse right? Nope! It can! Next week the Jets would lose to the winless Miami Dolphins, who were said to purposely be losing games for high draft picks. (On the contrary, the Fins would beat the Colts the next week)
 * Not even half a season in, Jets fans were already calling for Adam Gase to be fired. Unsurprisingly, the Johnsons would confirm he had his job for the rest of the season.
 * One other worrying thing this season was Darnold himself, as he seemed to be getting killed out there with Gase's coaching
 * And one other thing while this was happening: Ryan Tannehil, the former Dolphins QB under Gase, became the new starting QB of the Tennesee Titans and wound up being a key contributor in getting them to the playoffs.
 * The Jets would actually start to bounce back and go on a win streak... until it was broken by the winless Bungles. This game went even worse than the Miami game, with the Jets not getting into the redzone once.

2020's: Just sell the team

 * Jamal Adams finally had it with the Jets and demanded a trade after numerous failures and Johnson stopping a contract extension due to how much Adams wanted (this shows the real problem on the Jets), he would be traded to Seattle.
 * Adams also went on to say Adam Gase is not the right coach for the team and how he barely interacts with the locker room.
 * CJ Mosley opted out of the 2020 season due to the COVID pandemic.
 * Adam Gase continued to get high on bath salts for the 2020 season.
 * The Bills wrecked the Jets in the first game, the only reason it was 10 point game was due to Josh Allen being sloppy in places.
 * Meanwhile in Atlanta, Jamal Adams and the Seahawks wiped the floor against the Falcons, he would again take shots at the Jets claiming how surprised he was at how many points the Seahawks' offense scores.
 * After this game Chris Johnson would defend his decision to hire Adam Gase and called him a "brilliant offensive mind". WTF are you smoking?
 * Before Week 2, Johnson would also claim we would see a "different Jets team" moving forward. Well he wasn't wrong, they took an even bigger L to San Francisco.
 * The 49ers had a shit ton of injuries this game, including Garapollo and Bosa, the latter tearing his ACL and the Jets still lost 31-13.
 * After Week 2, Safety Bradley McDougland (the player Jamal Adams was traded for) commented the lack of progress was due to slow practices. Avery Williamson would also back him up.
 * After an obliteration at that hands of a Colts team led by an aging Philip Rivers in Week 3, Colin Cowherd revealed Gase "lost the whole locker room" and players were making their calls to agents.
 * Darnold threw 2 pick sixes this game as well
 * You are also probably wondering where LeVeon Bell has been during all this, well he's been on the IR, but Gase has pretty much ruined him already. Frank Gore, his replacement, is being forced to catch balls.
 * Cowherd also said Johnson may fire Gase if they lose to the Broncos Week 4 Thursday Night. The one issue was Denver was dealing with a lot of injuries, giving the Jets a good chance.
 * Then they would lose! And STILL didn't fire Gase!
 * Darnold then got injured during the game too.
 * Meanwhile the Houston Texans, also 0-4, would fire Bill O' Brien
 * The following week, led by an immobile Joe Flacco, the Jets lost to the Cardinals
 * In said game, Arizona went for a 4th & 1 in FG range on a 17-10 lead, they nailed it with a 31 yard gain. Like Belichick last year, Klingsburry had the Jets defense read inside out.
 * The Jets then went for a 4th & 1 after a 79 yard drive later on, instead of giving it to LeVeon Bell, back from injury and ready to go, Gase had it handed off to a TE with 2 rushing yards. Do I even have to say what happened?
 * LeVeon Bell then liked a few tweets after this saying he should be traded.
 * Jets fans then proceeded to watch the Falcons fire their coach and GM, Johnson still did nothing.
 * Gregg Williams was interviewed after the game regarding the defensive woes, he would also throw shade at Gase by saying it's not "entirely on the defense" (referring to the Jets defense being on the field much more than the offense)
 * It turns out for over a year Douglas was constantly trying to trade Bell but nobody wanted to take on that contract due to Bell showing no production (much like Adam Gase with Ryan Tannehil), so they just wound up releasing him and letting him sign with the Chiefs.
 * Bell actually never recovered, sounds like Gase killed him off.
 * Week 6 was getting shut out by the Dolphins, Brian Flores even let his rookie QB Tua play a couple of downs, as he was hesitant due to Tua being off the field for about a year, Tua of course completed the passes with ease.
 * Joe Douglas was shown on camera in a sky box during the game with his hand over his face.
 * Following this game Steve McLendon was traded to the Bucs, he didn't even go back to NY! He found out he was getting traded before the game and drove straight to Tampa.
 * Gase gave up play calling duties Week 7 against the Bills, they still lost but sucked slightly less.
 * After Week 8 New York Daily News reported there were hidden cameras in the Jets locker room. Nobody knows what they are for but since the Jets are the worst team in the NFL who really cares.
 * The last team they had a good chance of beating was the collapsing Chargers, of course they still lost, as a result, they are now heavily predicted to go 0-16
 * Jets fans then watched the Lions fire GM Bob Quinn and Coach Matt Patricia followed by the Jaguars firing GM David Caldwell, Chris Johnson is probably not even paying attention to the franchise at this point.
 * Starting Offensive Guard Alex Lewis also got fed up got into an altercation with Gase, the Jets put him on the NFI list.
 * It's also now been rumored Gase actually did not give up play calling duties and was just lying to the media.
 * Gase also admitted he failed at coaching Darnold.
 * At this point, Jets fans want the team to go 0-16 so they can get Clemson QB Trevor Lawrence, as if they win one game, they would have a tying record with the Jaguars, who would get the first pick by the draft rules. The Week 13 game against the Raiders was worrying as they got blown out by the Falcons a week prior, leading analysts to lose all trust in Jon Gruden to get the job done.
 * But Gregg Williams made sure it didn't happen, after giving the Raiders (down by 4) the ball back with under a minute to go, Gregg called for the blitz while Carr gunned a hail mary to a wide open Henry Ruggs in the endzone for the easy game winning touchdown.
 * Rex Ryan bashed this the following morning calling it "the stupidest call ever", trust the tank Rex, trust the tank.
 * Williams was also fired for this too. He knew it had to be done.
 * The Jets would, however, avoid the 0-16 season with a win against the Rams in Week 15, but as mentioned earlier, the first overall pick was now in the hands of the Jaguars.
 * Then the Jets would win again the following week against the Browns! Officially handing the Jags the first pick. They almost stopped the Browns from getting into the playoffs as well, as they had the longest running drought (luckily this wasn't the case as Cleveland still got in).
 * Bill Belichick would send Adam Gase off with a blowout loss in the last game of the season. After only 9 wins in 2 seasons, the "Offensive Mastermind" was fired.
 * Woody Johnson also returned to the Jets following the change in US Presidents, who knows what this means for upper personal decisions.

Making a Good Decision (Hopefully)

 * There would be no laughing at the Jets on their next HC, however, as they would land 49er's DC Robert Saleh, whom analysts and players alike called the top HC prospect.
 * This was also the end of the road for Darnold, he was shipped off to Carolina, the Jets drafted QB Zack Wilson in the first round.
 * The 2021 season has no expectations, literally none.
 * Start off by losing to the Panthers and letting Sam Darnold getting his revenge.
 * Week 2 was the traditional taking it up the ass from the Patriots as Wilson threw 4 interceptions. It could be more, as I type this game is on going.