LOL Tampa Bay Buccaneers History

The Tompa Bay Buccaneers are Tom Brady's personal NFL franchise.

1970's: Starting in Hell.

 * The Buccaneers were born following the AFL/NFL merger as an expansion team alongside the Seahawks.
 * Their first coach was John McKay, a college coach who did not want to coach an NFL team, but got lured into the job when when owner Hugh Culverhouse offered him $3 million contract and team to build from scratch.
 * However, this was a time when expansion teams were pretty much thrown to the wolves. The Buccs were only given old players and misfits.
 * The start of this franchise (1976 season) would start in the worst way possible: The first winless season in NFL history. 
 * It may have been long ago but they were a shit show with 5 shut outs, 412 points given up and only 125 points posted.
 * The team also had a huge amount of injuries, to fill gaps, CFL players were hired and random people were pulled off the street.
 * The 1976 Buccs are considered one of the worst teams in history aside from the 2008 Lions and the 2017 Browns, Johnny Carson from The Tonight Show would joke about team while fans wore paper bags and encouraged the team to strive for nothing.
 * Given the suffering, at least they got the first overall pick! But then McKay used it on RB Ricky Bell, whom he coached at USC. While they got some production out of him, the Cowboys would trade up and select RB Tony Dorsett, who is now a Hall of Famer.
 * The 1977 season started out even worse if you can imagine.
 * They got shutout 6 times and were expected to go 0-14 again.
 * But then: it happened. Literally out of fucking nowhere the Buccaneers would beat a Saints team led by Archie Manning 33-14, ending a 26 game losing streak. Archie still tries to cover this up.
 * The Buccs then returned home and won again in the final week against the St. Louis Cardinals. Tampa Bay, not knowing how to properly react to a football game victory proceeded to destroy the goalposts in celebration.
 * The Buccs then got their first generational QB in Doug Williams in the 78 draft, while the team only got 5 wins in the season, they finally started to look like a real team
 * The following year, Tampa finally learned what success tasted like.
 * The team posted a winning 10-6 record and won the NFC Central.
 * After beating the Eagles and the Cowboys, the Buccs fell to the Rams in the NFC Championship game.

1980's: Nah still garbage

 * Injuries then slapped the team in the face as they went 5-10-1
 * Thank to the rest of the NFC Central shitting the bed. The Buccs were able to get into the playoffs in 1981 despite being mediocre. The Cowboys annihilated them in the first game.
 * The 1982 players strike actually helped the Buccaneers the following year and making it into that years expanded slate. The Cowboys beat them but at least it wasn't a blow out...
 * The kicker: this was the last winning season under the ownership of Culverhouse.
 * Culverhouse was then found to be notoriously cheap by the way he treated Williams.
 * Williams was making $120,000 which was the lowest salary for an NFL starting QB at the time and even lower than some back ups were making.
 * Williams asked for a reasonable $600,000 which McKay agreed he should of gotten as well, Culverhouse only offered $400,000.
 * The end result was Williams high tailing to the new USFL league, he'd later sign with the Washington Redskins and win them a Superbowl.
 * Without Williams, the new age of Tampa Bay misery begun with a 2-14 season in 83.
 * McKay then stepped down after posting the same record the following year.
 * Their next HC, Ray Perkins, would wear out the team with his practices, his stint lasted until 1990 when he was fired.

1990's: Freedom of cheapness

 * Culverhouse died of cancer in 1994, it was then revealed the Buccs were actually close to Bankruptcy for some reason. As a result, the team was sold to the Glazer family. This is pretty much what gave the franchise life.
 * After a 1996 season dedicated to rebuilding, the Buccs returned to the playoffs following a 10-6 1997 season, after beating Lions, they lost to Green Bay at home.
 * After going 8-8 is 1998, the team went 11-5 in 1999, but lost to the Rams in the NFC Championship game following refball.

2000's: The Taste of Victory

 * Glazer lost his patience with Coach Tom Dungy in 2001 and gave him the axe despite a good showing, he'd later win a ring with the Colts.
 * Players and fans alike were furious at this decision, but would totally forget about Dungy a year later
 * The Buccs would proceed to steal Raiders HC Jon Gruden from Al Davis thanks to him starting to go a little senile. They would meet Oakland in the Superbowl and bring home the Lombardi for the first and only time so far in Buc's history.
 * And it's a good thing they did win that Superbowl, because it all came crashing down the following year with Gruden and McKay constantly fighting.

A New Empire for all of us to Loathe

 * Upon Tom Brady's announcement he was leaving New England to play for Tampa Bay, Buccs fans began declaring themselves defacto champs, hell even the Superbowl is in Tampa this season.
 * Jameis was released, officially adding his name on the list of QB draft busts. He now serves turnovers for New Orleans.
 * Brady then asked Arians to get Gronk and AB, of course he got a no to AB (but later got a yes) but he did trade for Gronk, who obviously wasn't ready to retire yet, Tampa fans got more moist. But do they know how old these guys are?


 * The Tompa Bay era began in quarantine, along with Brady's seventh fucking ring.
 * Started off losing to the Saints, wasn't that bad of a loss but we were reminded how old Brady and Gronk are.
 * The next few weeks happened, because Tom Brady the team got very good.
 * Antonio Brown was finally signed to a deal a few weeks into the season, you know the whole spheal with him but he has been very quiet prior to the signing.
 * Then, since its Tom Fucking Brady, the team got it together, went to the Superbowl, and put on a clinic against last year's defending champions Kansas City Chiefs.
 * The Buccs would then bring back all 22 starters from the Superbowl for the 2021 season, because the football gods hate us all.