LOL Jacksonville Jaguars History

The Jacksonville Jaguars are a circus act owned by the mighty mustached man Shahid Khan. The circus has been quite sucessfull.

1990's: Enter the third Florida team

 * The Jaguars fruition was honestly surprising, for some reason owners decided a random team in the suburbs of northern Florida was a good idea one day in 1993, they were set to start playing for the 1995 season.
 * Their inaugural coach was Tom Coughlin, a man very important to the franchise later on in its history.
 * Nothing much really has to be said about a first year expansion team.
 * QB Steve Beuerlein was Jacksonville's first overall pick in the expansion draft, he sucked and got replaced by Mark Brunell pretty quickly, this was later realized to be a smart move.
 * While they did go 4-12, the Jags did have talent and fan interest.
 * Signs were pointing to a more concentrated and determined team in 1996, no fake outs, the signs were right.
 * After winning six of their last seven and going 9-7, the Jaguars clinched a fifth seed playoff berth just two years into their existence.
 * After ending Bills QB Jim Kelly's career and pulling a major upset over the Broncos, the Jags actually made it to the AFC Championship. They would lose to the Patriots.
 * 1997 posted a better record at 11-5, but that was tied with their division mates at the time, Pittsburgh. After losing to the Steelers in the tie breaker and settling for the 5th seed, the Bronco extracted their revenge in the first round.
 * The Jaguars officially clinched the AFC Central the following year, the Jets would eliminate them in the Divisional round.
 * Even more fired up than ever, Jacksonville went into the 1999 season like a freight train.
 * A 14-2 season with a number one seed (this turned out to be their best record in their history), both loses that season were to the Titans
 * They then walked into the playoffs and murdered the careers of QB Dan Marino and Coach Jimmy Johnson to the tune of 62 points. 
 * Then the Jags met their kryptonite in Tennessee, they'd eat up 23 unanswered points in the second half of the AFC Championship game ending all the hopes and dreams of Jacksonville. (Still, Tennesee? That's who you are scared of?)

2000: Onward! To Mediocrity!

 * Following cap hell, the Jags posted 3 losing seasons, Tom Coughlin was promptly fired.
 * To begin the rebuild, Jack Del Rio was hired as coach and QB Byron Leftwich was picked up in the draft.
 * Them still struggled and went 5-11 in 03.
 * The team would get back on the better side of .500 with the 2004 season.
 * RB Fred Taylor suffered a season ending injury and as a result the Houston Texans eliminated the Jags from playoff contention.
 * The team went back to the playoffs following the 2005 season.
 * The red hot Colts were the ones to clinch the division while the Jags settled for the wild card.
 * The Jaguars then lost to Lord Belichick and Sir Brady in the wild card game, who just started ravaging the lands of the conference with their dynasty.
 * The home games of the 2006 season were relocated to the emergency room after all the injuries they suffered, the Jags settled for 8-8.
 * The 2007 off season was a big revamp.
 * Leftwich was released and in his position was promising back up David Garrard.
 * Safety Reggie Nelson was picked up in the first round of the draft to bolster the defense
 * The Jaguars 2007 season was a good one, but still not good enough for the 2008 playoffs when comparing to Tom Brady.
 * The Jags settled on the wild card again and were able to hold of Pittsburgh on the road, the first time in 50 years a team was able to that twice in a season.
 * But as I said, the Patriots dynasty was ravaging the lands, and this time they were undefeated as they beat Jacksonville in a close game.
 * We know what happens next, but if you don't for some reason, the undefeated Patriots made it to the Superbowl and lost to the Giants... led by the Jag's former coach Tom Coughlin.FatherDaddyCoughlin.jpg
 * Following an off season of fixing some key issues, the Jaguars were poised for a superbowl run for the 2008 season. Yeah- no.
 * The offensive line collapsed due to injuries, they went 5-11 in the chaos.
 * Remember how it was said earlier Jacksonville was a highly unlikely spot for a team given the population? Well the 2009 season is where it bit the NFL in the ass.
 * Attendance plummeted with an average of 50,000 at home games. Nearly 10,000 seats had to be covered up at EverBank.
 * Seven of the eight games broadcasted that season were blacked out. This led to Roger Goodell getting involved to fix the issue.

2010's: The beginning of the mustache

 * The 2011 season was such a big clusterfuck
 * The Jaguars traded up in that year's draft for QB Blaine Gabbert, they would then cut Garrard and named Luke McCown the starter.
 * McCown sucked ass and was benched Week 3 for the young Gabbert.
 * After losing 8 of their first 11, Weaver pulled the trigger on Del Rio and sent him packing, then revealed he was selling team to business man Shahid Khan once the season was over, he has a good mustache. That's all anyone can say until his son Tony started a wrestling promotion.
 * Coughlin would also take the Giants to the Superbowl that post season, again, and beat the Patriots, again.  Khan.jpg


 * The age of the stache kicked off with a totally revamped coaching staff led by Mike Murlakey.
 * Safe to say the Khan era had a very painful start for the 2012 season.
 * The franchise hit its record worst with a 2-14 record.
 * Murlakey was fired just after one season along with GM Gene Smith, can't blame Shahid there, he literally just got into football that year.
 * 2012 is also the year when the Jags made the deal to play a home game in London each year, making them the prime candidates to become England's team and make the NFL a logistical nightmare if so.
 * The next four seasons pretty much had nothing interesting for Jacksonville as they went, 4-12, 3-13, 5-11, then back to 3-11 with Gus Bradley as the head coach for a majority of this time.
 * This is the period where QB Blake Bortles and CB Jalen Ramsey were both drafted. While Ramsey was a success, Blake Bortles would be a bust, resulting in "Bortle" becoming a household curse word among Jacksonville fans.
 * Bradley was fired a few weeks before the end of the 2016 season and was replaced by Doug Marrone who officially became coach after.

Coming Down with a Cough(lin)

 * On January 9th, 2017, Shahid Khan officially hired Tom Coughlin as Executive Vice President of Football operations. This would be the start of a ton of issues between management and players.
 * Following the acquisition of Leonard Fournette in the draft, more pieces came into place resulting in a big improvement for the 2017 season.
 * It was pretty much the teams defense that got them to the playoffs with a 10-6 record, they were nicknamed "Sacksonville".
 * Just one issue: the Jaguars still had a Bortled offense, while they got past the Bills and Steelers, they wound up bowing down to the Patriots dynasty in the AFC Championship in surprisingly close game.
 * Many Jaguars fans had their hopes up for the 2018 season thinking their team was good, Bortles begs to Bortle.
 * After winning their first 3 of 4... including a victory against New England, the team proceed to lose 7 straight and miss the playoffs.
 * On their annual London trip, 4 of their players (Barry Church, Ronnie Harrision, DJ Hayden and Jarrod Wilson) were all arrested the night before at a night club for not paying a bill.
 * Bortles was told to Bortle off by Jacksonville, he now Bortles elsewhere.
 * Jalen Ramsey was also starting to become a noticeable diva off the gridiron, when training camp commenced, he arrived in an armored bank vehicle because he was demanding Coughlin to pay him.
 * DE Yannick Njakoue also wanted a new deal and held out for a bit, more this later.
 * Instead of paying Ramsey, Coughlin decided to throw a 4-year $88 million contract at former Eagles QB Nick Foles, who won Philly a Superbowl after Carson Wentz carried the team there.
 * 2019 proved 2017 to be a fluke, but it didn't matter, because one man arrived that made Jacksonville forget all their pain.
 * Foles broke his clavicle in the season opener, his replacement was a rookie QB, but not just any QB: Gardner Minshew.
 * While Gardner Minshew has some developing to do, his appearance as Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite won the fans over. He could literally start Bortling and people would still cheer him. I guess that's an upside?
 * The relationship between Ramsey and management then finally reached a boiling point. After a loss to the Texans, Ramsey got in an argument with Marrone then requested a trade.
 * Ramsey would proceed to fake an illness in order to avoid playing for the Jags as Khan hoped he'd come back around.
 * After that he then faked a back injury, as a result his demands were met and Caldwell traded him to the Rams for 2 first rounders (pretty good haul not gonna lie)
 * Him faking it all was confirmed as he was healthy in time for his first game as a Ram.
 * Foles eventually returned but sucked, so he was benched for Minshew again. That contract isn't looking good now is it Coughlin?
 * Oh yeah, Coughlin, he wound up losing his job. Around the end of the season, the NFLPA informed players all across the league that the Jaguars were responsible for 25% of player grievances over the last 2 seasons. 
 * The grievances were that Coughlin was fining players for not using the team's medical treatment in the offseason, which is optional under the current CBA.
 * This includes a grievance from Leonard Fournette who was fined $700,000 by the Jaguars for not using the facilities for treatment over the offseason. He won his grievance.
 * Once this got out, Khan wasted little time firing Coughlin just two weeks before the end of the season. He was already planning on doing away with him once the season was over anyway.
 * The season's record was a depressing 6-10, since Coughlin was fired, Khan wants to give Caldwell and Marrone another shot to see how they do without him.

2020's: Send in the Clowns

 * Now Caldwell and Marrone were pretty much in the hot seat so you'd expect them to go all in next year to give Khan a good impression, instead they ultimately went for the tank that offseason.
 * Realizing signing Foles was a terrible idea, he was traded to Chicago, all that money for nothing
 * Ngakoue realized Duvall wasn't working and wanted out, the Jags pulled the almighty franchise tag in response.
 * Ngakoue was pissed at this and wound up getting in a twitter fight with Shahid's son, Tony Khan, where he publicly demanded a trade.
 * He eventually got it and went to Minnesota for a second and fifth where the Vikings would trade him to Baltimore for a third and fifth, yeah so that's not actually an LOL Jags moment.
 * Telvin Smith also announced he was going to take a year off from football for his mental health, this was seen as admirable until he got arrested for fucking an underage girl.
 * The Jags also wanted to traded Fournette, however they couldn't find a good trade, so what did they do? They just flat out waived him and let the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who were loading up for Tom Brady, take him. If the goal was specifically to bring a superbowl victory back to Florida then the Jags technically were doing their part.
 * Shady Mcoy then buried Jacksonville once arriving in Tampa and claimed to have "a real quarterback".
 * Shahid Khan then learned a big lesson with the 2020 season.
 * Start off with a win at home against the Colts, this wound up giving Jags fans the biggest false hope ever.
 * Then that would be their only win as they would go 1-15, Caldwell would be fired after the first 10 losses, Marrone stayed until Black Monday.
 * The big upside, the Jets fucked up their tank by winning 2 games, the first overall pick, and more importantly Clemson QB Trevor Lawrence was theres!

The Jacksonville Circus

 * The Jags then had to find a new head coach. Unfortunately they went a route that normally doesn’t work out: the college coaching route. Urban Meyer was hired to lead the culture change.
 * The fuck ups were very immediate, first he brought in Chris Doyle, who have done well, "bad things". Meyer was immeditaley attacked for the hire and Doyle resigned the next day.
 * Meyer brought in Tim Tebow, who he coached in Gainesville, to play tight end. Yes that is right, he brought in forner QB Tebow who hadn't played football since 2012 to play tight end.
 * This move was as you expected, and was a complete shit show with just one preseason game. Tebow would be cut and this would never be spoken of again.
 * Meyer then received his first fine in July when he violated the OTA rules for the offseason.
 * With the stas aligning the Jacksonville Jaguars 2021 -22 season became what is was destined to be: A Circus Act starring Meyer as ringmaster.
 * The circus performance started off losing to the dysfunctional Houston Texans
 * Right after this rumors immeditaely began swirling Meyer would pull a Bobby Petrino and high tail it back to college, Urban denied the accusations.
 * After losing to the Broncos and Cardinals the team started showing life in Week 4 against the Bungles. Unfortunately Cincy was a bit ahead with their rebuild process and they would come back to win it. That’s a straight 19 losses in a row for Duvall.
 * But what is even more hilarious is what happened afterwards, Meyer stayed back to visit some old friends instead of traveling back with the team and visited a bar he owned. While there he met a young woman who started grinding on him, and the whole thing was caught on video! His wife laughed at the whole thing (she's chill), while critics blasted Meyer for staying in Cincy and not traveling back with the team to Florida after another loss.
 * Meyer had to apologize to the team after the video surfaced, when he left the locker room, everyone started laughing.
 * The Titans sent the Jaguars their 20th loss the following week. This heated up talks about Jacksonville going to break Tampa Bay's record for most consecutive loses.
 * Sadly for all of us shit posters that didn't happen, somehow, someway, the Jaguars were able to beat the Dolphins the next week in London.
 * It would be back to the misery next week with the collapsing Seahawks kicking their asses, the following week however they were able to beat the Bills, this and the Dolphins victory are Meyer's only 2 wins as an NFL coach.
 * After this, the circus act went into it's final performance under its ring master from Week 10 to Week 15.
 * Meyer got into multiple disputes with players and coaches, reportedly calling his staff "losers" and him "a winner", yes Urban, 2 wins more than halfway into the season is winning.
 * Among the arguments with players was one between Meyer and WR Marvin Jones, where Meyer critcized Jag's receivers, angering Jones to the point where he left the facility, only to be convinced to return by the staff just to fight with Meyer more in practice.
 * Then came the James Robinosn debacle where, despite being the most efficent RB on the roster, Meyer would stop him from going in due to his fumbles. Trevor Lawrence himself even asked Meyer why Robinson wasn't in the game. Meyer claimed he was out for being "injured".
 * Then came the grand finale, after losing to the Titans in Week 14 in their first shut out loss since 2009, kicker Josh Lambo revealed Meyer called him a dipshit and kicked him in the leg after he was missing kicks in a practice. Lambo snapped back at him for that and Urban would respond "I am the head ball coach, I'll kick you whenever the fuck I want".
 * And that was the last straw, hours after the story broke, Shahid Khan fired Urban Meyer. The end statistics of this run are a .154 winning percentange if you don't count interim head coaches and he lasted as long as Bobby Petrino lasted with the Falcons, the only differenc Petrino had one more win and left. Urban is probably now the worst NFL head coach in history.
 * With Meyer out of the way the Jaguars continued to lose games through the remainder of the season.
 * Before the final game of the season, fans were outraged as Shahid Khan decided to retain GM Trent Baalke, who was promoted to the position after Caldwell was fired (yes, somehow he's still here). As a result, fans decided to embrace the circus culutre for the final game against the Colts with a "Clown Out". Fans showed up to TIAA Bank Field dressed as clowns and began posting a clown emoji with Khan's mustache on social media.
 * This enraged the game's sponsor, RoofClaim, whom were trying to get out of their contract with Jacksonville following Meyer's firing due to the organization being a literal circus. Khan refused to release them from contract, therefore RoofClaim responded with a lawsuit.
 * Can you believe even after all this the Jaguars somehow crushed the Colts? Well they did and as a result the Steelers are now in the playoffs on Big Ben's retirement tour (unless kneel bowl between Vegas and LAC happens).
 * With a 3-14 record, the Jaguars once again remain at the bottom with the 1st round pick again, with probably nothing at all learned. Shahid, it's time to sell the team.